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【AUKS-030】超ヤバイ!黒GAL変態ラヴマシーン~黒肌愛慾婬交密戲~宮下つばさ×RICA

Source global Wall Street Journal     time 2020-02-18 04:03:05
Typefacelarge in Small

【AUKS-030】超ヤバイ!黒GAL変態ラヴマシーン~黒肌愛慾婬交密戲~宮下つばさ×RICA �


`Notatall,I'dbetternotknow...Butyoudoagreewithme,don'tyou,thatthecasualsexthingisnothing,comparedtothelonglifelivedtogether?Don'tyouthinkonecanjustsubordinatethesexthingtothenecessitiesofalonglife?Justuseit,sincethat'swhatwe'redrivento?Afterall,dothesetemporaryexcitementsmatter?Isn'tthewholeproblemoflifetheslowbuildingupofanintegralpersonality,throughtheyears?livinganintegratedlife?There'snopointinadisintegratedlife.Iflackofsexisgoingtodisintegrateyou,thengooutandhavealove-affair.Iflackofachildisgoingtodisintegrateyou,thenhaveachildifyoupossiblycan.Butonlydothesethingssothatyouhaveanintegratedlife,thatmakesalongharmoniousthing.AndyouandIcandothattogether...don'tyouthink?...ifweadaptourselvestothenecessities,andatthesametimeweavetheadaptationtogetherintoapiecewithoursteadily-livedlife.Don'tyouagree?'

Therewasasadpause.`Yes,foralittlewhile,'saidConnie.

Anddimlysherealizedoneofthegreatlawsofthehumansoul:thatwhentheemotionalsoulreceivesawoundingshock,whichdoesnotkillthebody,thesoulseemstorecoverasthebodyrecovers.Butthisisonlyappearance.Itisreallyonlythemechanismofthere-assumedhabit.Slowly,slowlythewoundtothesoulbeginstomakeitselffelt,likeabruise,whichOnlyslowlydeepensitsterribleache,tillitfillsallthepsyche.Andwhenwethinkwehaverecoveredandforgotten,itisthenthattheterribleafter-effectshavetobeencounteredattheirworst.

Hiseyescametohersinaninstant,asifwakenedup.Hewasawareofher.

Wasitjustthat?Shewastobecontenttoweaveasteadylifewithhim,allonefabric,butperhapsbrocadedwiththeoccasionalflowerofanadventure.Buthowcouldsheknowwhatshewouldfeelnextyear?Howcouldoneeverknow?HowcouldonesayYes?foryearsandyears?Thelittleyes,goneonabreath!Whyshouldonebepinneddownbythatbutterflyword?Ofcourseithadtoflutterawayandbegone,tobefollowedbyotheryes'sandno's!Likethestrayingofbutterflies.

Conniesatandlistenedinasortofwonder,andasortoffear.Shedidnotknowifhewasrightornot.TherewasMichaelis,whomsheloved;soshesaidtoherself.ButherlovewassomehowonlyanexcursionfromhermarriagewithClifford;thelong,slowhabitofintimacy,formedthroughyearsofsufferingandpatience.Perhapsthehumansoulneedsexcursions,andmustnotbedeniedthem.Butthepointofanexcursionisthatyoucomehomeagain.

`I'msorrywecan'thaveason,'shesaid.

Conniewasalittleoverwhelmedbyhiswords.Sheknewhewasrighttheoretically.Butwhensheactuallytouchedhersteadily-livedlifewithhimshe...hesitated.Wasitactuallyherdestinytogoonweavingherselfintohislifealltherestofherlife?Nothingelse?

Andasitspreadinhim,Conniefeltitspreadinher.Aninwarddread,anemptiness,anindifferencetoeverythinggraduallyspreadinhersoul.WhenCliffordwasroused,hecouldstilltalkbrilliantlyand,asitwere,commandthefuture:aswhen,inthewood,hetalkedaboutherhavingachild,andgivinganheirtoWragby.Butthedayafter,allthebrilliantwordsseemedlikedeadleaves,crumplingupandturningtopowder,meaningreallynothing,blownawayonanygustofwind.Theywerenottheleafywordsofaneffectivelife,youngwithenergyandbelongingtothetree.Theywerethehostsoffallenleavesofalifethatisineffectual.


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